The last time I ate out was on my birthday, which was 21 November, two weeks ago but it was a spur of the moment thing, I hadn’t planned it. I had been working during the morning and simply didn’t wish to cook at home so on the way home I stopped by my local pub and had a nice dinner there. Usually I treat E to a meal out once and occasionally twice a week but she and I are not on speaking terms yet again. I don’t wish to say anything nasty about E but she does have her moments! It is all about the way she treats me sometimes, like I shouldn’t disturb her when I wish to speak with her or show her something. She has never been one to talk much, especially to me and it used to drive me mad that we couldn’t hold down a discussion about anything except the affairs of day-to-day life. It was an intellectual wasteland, a desert, nothing ever seemed to be of interest to her. I found my life very empty and devoid of any intellectual companionship. I have tried so many times to engage her in meaningful conversation but to no avail. Even when we dine out together I find it hard to talk about any subject knowing she will give me that certain look which says ‘Stop boring me’ if I try. About three weeks ago I wanted to show her something on my computer, not something I do often, in fact I do so very rarely. If she had laser vision like ‘Superwoman‘ my brain would now be burned to a frazzle after the piercing look she gave me! It was that look again! I bowed out of the room feeling rather dejected yet again. I have not spoken to her since. It is such a shame she acts this way with me because I am very loving toward her and often show it. It wasn’t that long ago that we were reconciled after a few months of not speaking to one another for similar reasons. It is always me who breaks the ice, as long as I’ve known her it was never she. I don’t have many friends and those I do have are not close at hand. The family members have all but isolated themselves too, except for my youngest brother none of them bother contacting me. So life at home is pretty much boring most of the time and I feel so isolated because of her attitude toward me. I yearn company and companionship which is why I go to the pub and why I keep trying with E. There may come a time when I won’t bother any more but after 40 years who am I kidding? I think I deserve better.
Shirley Anne
